The Runway Sashay

In late July, I received a phone call asking me to strut my stuff alongside Heidi Klum in the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Early on, I received the inside scoop. I was informed that the Black Eyed Peas were scheduled to perform, and it would be a splendid event because Heidi would be back on the runway just a couple of months after having her third child with Seal. I was so flattered that they would think of a small town girl like me. I was instructed to start a very strict diet the very next day, and I would have to agree to follow a rigorous exercise routine that included lounges, leg lifts and push-ups. Basically, this is all I would have to do, and Victoria’s Secret would fly me to New York City on Monday, the thirtieth of November for my premier on the first of December. After much thought, I decided to pass on the offer. I don’t have an interest in fashion shows, and I don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret. I’m not a lingerie-loving girl, and I definitely don’t like the color pink. I didn’t like the idea of wearing lacey fabrics and angel wings. I’m sorry Victoria, I had to keep myself a Secret, but maybe next year...